Receptionist, J.D.

As with all recent graduates at any level, but probably more specifically at the college level, there is a certain culture shock that comes with finishing one's education.  For several (seven and a half) years, I dedicated my life to making my brain sharper, honing my lawyering skills, increasing my earning capacity, all for the goal of making this world a better place.  My bedroom in college was lovingly refered to as The Dungeon because I gave up so many evenings and weekends burning the midnight oil so that I could get sufficient grades for law school admittance.  Luckily, this trick worked.  So when I returned home from my lavish European vacay my last summer of law school in July 2009, I thought it would take a couple of months to find some sort of employment.  I knew the state of the job front was horrid but I was prepared, or so I thought.

With the knowledge that I was embarking on my endeavor to pass the bar exam in February 2010 and would need to start studying January 1 (okay, January 2), 2010, I had a hard time figuring out what type of job I should be looking for.  I can hear you asking now:  "But Jess, didn't you take out a loan the size of a mortgage for a mansion on the rolling plains of Kansas in order to learn how to be a lawyer?  Shouldn't you be looking for a LEGAL job?"  Well my friends, you would be correct in your line of questioning (court room reference not intended), however I only have a law degree.  Which, apparently, is insufficient these days. . . overly sufficient is more accurate.

I read an article in some legal publication noting how law firms who promised employment to their superstar summer associates upon graduation from law school were postponing their start dates for at least a year.  365 days.  A whole rotation around the sun.  It's not like receiving an education qualifies you for unemployment!  That's an eternity to wait to begin your legal career.  I was not offered employment (although I am a superstar), but from this article all signs from my awesome powers of deduction are pointing out that I ain't getting a job as a law clerk.  This is what I would normally expect to do upon graduation were this a normal economy. 

As I'm scouring Craigslist and Monster, I'm quickly realizing that all notions of beginning a career as a Legal Secretary are out of the question as well.  Sure, I am familiar with interrogatories, requests for production of documents, appellate briefs and how to format them because I WROTE THEM IN LAW SCHOOL.  But do I have 3-5 years experience doing this?  Not a chance.  My dreams of being someone's personal assistant are shattered.

I'm also realizing that I can't even become a paralegal because I need a CERTIFICATE for something I'm already very capable of doing because I WENT TO LAW SCHOOL.  Paralegals are fake, baby lawyers who do more grunt work like call for couriers to file pleadings at the courthouse, schedule motion dates and possess a far more cursory knowledge of the law because they didn't go to law school.  However, the level of knowledge of the paralegal is dependent upon how stupid the paralegal is to begin with.  But such is life, and also an excellent reason why I'd be a far superior paralegal than most paralegals.  I digress. 

So what do I do with this newfound knowledge?  Immediately begin filing out 45 applications to Starbucks. Turns out I'm not a desirable barista either, despite my daily Skinny Vanilla 5-pump Latte consumption. 

I also turn to my network, beginning with my biggest networker in the entire world--my mother!  As an animal groomer, she has a bazillion clients and she tells every single one of them that her daughter is in law school with such pride.  You can't pay for that kind of advertising.  Luckily, one of said clients is a legal headhunter in San Francisco and she hooks me up with a job!  Woo hoo!  The prospect of working at Starbucks was pretty grim, but the networking hath saved my unemployed soul! 

I was warned the job wasn't glamorous and was only two days.  No kidding--we worked in a storage warehouse assisting the records clerk of a law firm in finding three files out of 1,000.  However, it did turn into a month-long position because the records clerk loved me and the other temp so much!  Oh yeah, and I guess she needed more help, too. 

After that stint in the vicinity of the legal field, the job blotter fell silent.  I had the records clerk position in September, and was still unemployed in November.  I even applied as a Dog Walker, Extraordinnaire.  Finally, I got a call to work as a seasonal employee at Macy's!  Hooray for a Macy's discount!  I had the good fortune of working at the Clinique counter and not some loser brand like Origins.  Or that one they discontinued that I can't recall.  Oh well, not my counter, sucka.  Unfortunately, there is no discount on makeup.  Boo. 

Then I took the bar exam (the first time), blah, blah, blah, and voila! I am temping for four months, bitches!  Thank the unemployment gods for this thing called receptionists on maternity leave!  I actually took the job three days before I discovered to my utter horror that I failed the bar exam and had to study again, but that's a whole other blog. 

I really love it here as the people are so wonderful.  I think I may cry on my last day.  No, seriously.  I even mentioned in my interview (against all reason and recommendation from said headhunter) that I may fail the bar exam and would begin studying again.  They said, "No problem, we'll work out time off for you."  Glorious, unbridled sympathy.  And my bosses let me study during work.  How awesome is that?!  Pretty fucking amazing, let me tell you. 

You might also be wondering, "Hey, aren't these jobs, like, beneath you, or something?"  My response?  Hell to the no!  Am I capable of writing a 30-page appellate brief with enough bravado and legal expertise to get an immigrant detainee released and allow him to continue living his life in the United States?  Of course!  Do I miss contributing to society on this level?  Most certainly.  Am I able to help make the world a better place, one scanned PDF of a fax at a time?  You betcha!  My work ethic is such that I make it my goal to do the best job possible at whatever job I do so that I'm proud of myself at the end of the day.  Until I pass the bar exam and until I find an attorney position thereafter, I will happily work as an overqualified receptionist while wearing a smile.