The term "dating" is such a misnomer. "Dating" denotes simplistic get-togethers between two people interested in getting to know one another in various public or PG private settings. When my mom was young, she had to accompany my aunt on dates or else my grandpa would not let my aunt leave the house. What happened to these simple times? Um, yeah, 1955 called and left a message that it's appalled at the state of dating these days.
Look, boys and girls, it's not that hard. Finding a mate isn't rocket science. Not only is it about luck, chemistry, fate, timing, or in juxtaposition, even pointed calculated effort, it's about being a decent human being. Bottom line.
In this vein, I've had some thoughts percolating in my currently underutilized cerebral cortex and I've articulated a few rules that I think are basic tools for anyone trying to find one's soulmate. "Here's a little bit of old school for ya, and it goes a little something like this. . . " (One billion points to the first person who can name that song. It will likely be one of four people whom I know that know this song who may or may not possess a vagina.)
Rule Numero Uno: Be Honest.
For real. Like, super serial. Just be up front. Dating these days is so complicated because of people's ulterior motives. Some people are married or in a relationship and still date without your knowledge of their attached status. This is disgusting, by the way.
Just the other night I was out with my friends for a birthday celebration and we were approached by a man clearly wearing a wedding ring. Not only did he initiate the flirting by complimenting me on my height, he proceeded to flirt with us for a solid 5 minutes before asking, "So who's married?" To this inquiry I responded, "You," and he then proceeded to act as if his friend was his husband. Hiding something, buddy? I'm not saying that if you are married you have to live in a box and not converse with humans other than your spouse. What I am saying is that you should not attempt to talk to others as if you are interested in attending the party in their pants. If you are or have been guilty of this, consider yourself on notice. If you are currently doing this, please divorce and/or break up with all other parties involved and lead a life of celibacy for, approximately, ever. And consider therapy.
If you are just looking for sex, then communicate this. You shouldn't have to lie to get what you want in life. That's my belief, anyway. If you do so, you just might find someone else out there who is looking for exactly what you want. Just don't settle until you find such a person even if it's just for sex.
If you are like one of my exes, and you are looking for someone to be barefoot in the kitchen making you pies and cleaning your house, then say so up front. (Um, 1955 called again and it wants its stereotypical housewife back! Eugh! So. Not. Me.) Particular tastes require particular people to fill those needs and thus need to be communicated.
Rule Numero Dos: Technology is your foe.
Swapping texts all day long does not equal a date, folks. Nor does talking about a date over the phone. Man up and take your object of desire somewhere in person!
Why are people so much more honest in a text? Texting and dating do not mix. All the fun aspects of getting to know someone are lost on a screen illuminated by a satellite transmission. You can't hear inflection, sarcasm or laughter in your inbox on your mobile device. Oh yeah, and don't break up with someone via text. It sucks. Karma will kick your ass if you do so, regardless of whether you believe in it.
Oh, Facebook. While there are a multitude of social networking sites, I think Facebook really has virtual stalking on lockdown. I've not encountered a problem with stalking to date. I'm pretty protective of whom I allow to see my profile. Not only am I attempting to become a lawyer and am concerned about employers and the State Bar of California seeing what I do, I am also a fan of my civil liberties and enjoy my right to privacy and freedom of speech. However, if you are a compulsive Facebooker like myself, you could potentially run into serious problems, especially with this new Places feature. The site allows you to "check in" by posting your geographical coordinates via Google maps. I am enjoying the novelty of this feature and get a thrill when I click on my current location. Yes, I am a nerd. Deal with it. I am curious to see how this feature plays out in courtrooms across the nation when people use Facebook to up their stalking game.
One of my bffs, Partner in Crime (hereinafter PIC), ran into a problem with Facebook and the object of her affection. She's known this guy forever, so clearly they are "friends" on Facebook (and if it's on Facebook, it has to be true, right?). She saw that he had a birthday party and didn't invite her. Ouch. There's way more back story to this, but for her privacy, I will keep the reader informed on a need-to-know basis. But that information smacked her around a little. She now knows more than she cared to know because of his Facebook post. While there are many factors to her situation, the bottom line is that Facebook can be dangerous so don't add anyone you wouldn't trust with personal information.
Rule Numero Tres: Know thyself.
How can you know what you want in another person if you don't know what you need? I understand that there are varying levels of self-awareness in the pool of singles, which is fine. If you want to live in the dark, be my guest. I'll just figure you out and then want nothing to do with you because that's not a fun situation for me. I am not perfect, but I make an effort to evaluate the state of my personality and my weaknesses and work on them. I also make an effort to find at least one quality I require from a partner when I break up with someone. For example, I've dated several non-awesome people, and now I've realized I need someone awesome. I had an ex who is probably one of the most selfish people I've ever met, and so now I know I want someone who is capable of putting the needs of others before his own. I know that while I'm laid back about some things, I can be downright neurotic about others and I know I need someone who is laid back and calm all the time to balance out my neuroses.
Rule Numero Quatro: Don't sweat it.
For a long time, I thought that because I didn't have a boyfriend that I was not desirable. This was mostly while in law school because, let's face it, law school induces depression and anxiety in the most stable of individuals. I think it was a lack of confidence as well, at least inwardly. BTDub, a lack of self-esteem and confidence is a sure-fire way to repel potential suitors. Who wants to hang out with someone who doesn't even think they are awesome? This leads logically to my point: Why would you want to hang out with someone who doesn't think you are awesome?! Just move on and find someone else. You might be thinking, "Geez, don't you have feelings?" Of course I do. Do I get bummed when someone I thought was interested in me turns out to be uninterested? Totally! I'm awesome, so it sucks when someone doesn't agree with me. But this is no cause to think you are any less awesome because someone doesn't agree with you. It's awesomely simple.
These are just a few things I've noticed lately. I hereby reserve the right to edit and alter the aforementioned Rules at any time upon due diligence and sufficient consideration of any further alarming dating trends.
