I began purging my room of all things unnecessary today. I am a weirdo and kept all my notes from every single class I ever took in college. The above picture contains the flash cards I made for the whole semester for one class that I totally aced (I set the curve for both tests). As I was sifting through these notes before throwing them out since I haven't touched them since 2005, and came across this gem from my Psychological Aspects of Death and Dying course.
The assignment was to write in a journal, identifying events in a day for which we were grateful and also recognizing character strengths. This is now five years ago at 22, so it was interesting to see where I was then. I felt compelled to re-type my entries and share them here:
April 12, 2005
I felt a general sense of prudence today. I gave a 20-minute presentation in my History of Psychology class. I was very nervous about it and I worked on it all weekend. I turned down many plans to go out with friends because I knew I needed to organize my thoughts and get a good grade on it. I've been turning down fun opportunities all semester, so it's getting harder to say no.
Not only did I work on this presentation all weekend, I studied for two weekends in a row for the test in the same class. After my presentation, I went to my professor's office with some fellow classmates, and I discovered that I set the curve for the grade again. I got the highest grade in both tests so far. I really didn't think it would happen twice. I finally felt like my intense effort and constant hibernation while studying paid off. I definitely felt like my effort paid off even more later in the the afternoon when I visited my professor's office hours.
Earlier while my classmates and I had checked out grades, they had mentioned that out 12-page writing assignment was optional. I already had all my research done and 20 books about Darwin in my room ready for me to scour through over the weekend. I wanted to hear it from my professor's mouth that I did not have to write the paper. I asked him his grading policy, and he informed me that he took our two highest test grades and our writing assignment grade and uses the two highest grades. Obviously, it is impossible to improve my grade when I have the two highest grades in the class. I was ecstatic! Unknowingly, my self-regulation saved me from having to write the paper.
Self-regulation is central to my success this semester. While pursuing a career in law, I realized that I needed to attain a 4.0 GPA (or strikingly close) to boost my chances of getting into my school of choice. I told myself repeatedly that I needed to really buckle down to study and not see my friends as much as I wanted. This is the most I've regimented my study habits in my life.
Today I also felt a sense of perspective. I overheard my roommate on the phone telling her friend that her heart felt funny after having a huge anxiety attack. I immediately knew what she was feeling. After she ended the call, I said, "I couldn't help but overhear that you had an anxiety attack and that your heart feels weird. I've had anxiety for two years and I feel the same thing. I've been there too. I just wanted to tell you because I wish someone would have told me that when I first started getting anxiety attacks." It felt really nice to help comfort someone with the peculiarities of anxiety because I've learned how to deal with them over the last two years. By talking to her, I felt she really sensed my genuine kindness. We normally don't talk that much, but I couldn't ignore her confusion when I knew I could say a few kind words to comfort her.
Gratitude: Today I'm grateful for the opportunity my family gives me to attend school without the stress of working. Without this luxury, I probably would not have been as successful this semester. I'm also grateful for the discipline I learned from my dance teacher. Without it, I would not have been able to turn down offers to go out with my friends.
There are other entries, but it's ridiculously late. Monday always comes so quickly.
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